Coup D'IaHB: RWOP
by Karrah Aretz
Summary: the return of the Bleacher Junkies!!


by (alpahbetically) Arcadia, Aricraze, Darkchilde, Mad Cow & Maureen  
  
  
***  
part 1: Arcadia  
  
Arcadia curled her legs up underneath her body in the  
chair and stared at the computer screen in front of  
her. Only mere seconds ago she had turned her  
computer on, booting it up in order to go online for a  
while. She waited, elbows resting on the arm rests of  
her chair. Soon, she knew, the main screen would come  
up with all of the icons of the desktop. And then  
Arcadia would simply click on the MSN icon and go  
online. First stop? Fanfiction.net to see what was  
new in the "In A Heartbeat" category.  
  
Arcadia hadn't been there in so long due to stress  
at school and work. Not to mention a huge case of  
writer's block. If only she could think of  
something to write! Writer's block was always  
harsh, but sometimes it seemed even more so when ideas  
seemed as scarce as ice in Hell.  
  
But now she had some time and a new idea for a fic as  
well. It was a rather normal fic. Nothing really  
brilliantly amazing about it. The fic centered around  
five people from one of her favorite television shows,  
In A Heartbeat. In this particular fic, Jamie,  
the rebel of the group, gets beaten up by his  
alcoholic father, who doesn't seem to understand why  
Jamie can't simply be perfect all of the time. But,  
fear not readers! Jamie is secretively in love with  
Caitie, the overachieving nonconformist, who doesn't  
realize that the bruises covering Jamie's  
extremities could possibly be caused by more than a  
tumble down a flight of stairs. She'll finally  
understand the problem, though, when Jamie ends up  
half dead in the hospital. At that point, Caitie will  
call on her friend Val, the world's most perfect  
person, for moral support. Val, unfortunately, is too  
busy suffering from the occasional bout of one eating  
disorder or another. And, of course, she is too busy  
making goo goo eyes at Tyler to notice her  
not-so-popular friend's problems. Tyler, is too  
busy inwardly fighting his feelings for Val (they are  
just friends, right?) And then Tyler has to deal with  
William, the stepfather who is either super-nice or  
super-mean to him. So, Tyler will go to his friend  
Hank for advice. Hank, sage advice-giver  
extraordinaire, will (sadly enough!) have only a small  
part in this fic. After all, everyone knows that  
there aren't many fics written about Hank! So, he  
is our supporting character.  
  
Of course, the big surprise of the fic comes at the  
end. Jamie comes out of his two-week coma, with the  
doctors scratching their heads at the fact that there  
are absolutely no lasting effects to his mind, body or  
soul. Caitie will realize how much she loved Jamie  
all along and will share a first kiss with him as soon  
as he remembers who the heck she is (and who he is,  
for that matter!). Val dies after she is shot and/or  
struck by a car. She never knows that Tyler loved  
her, but he will faithfully tell her gravestone with  
tears in his eyes. And Hank? Well, Hank lives  
happily ever after because he was never a big part of  
any of the angst-filled storylines anyway.  
  
Arcadia knew it was the best thing she had ever  
written. And it was so original! No one had ever  
done any of those story lines before. Arcadia liked  
to think that she would be breaking new ground,  
inspiring other writers to go in the direction she  
was. After all, Arcadia had noticed that some of the  
storylines on fanfiction.net got overused way too  
much.  
  
Clicking on the MSN icon, Arcadia waited patiently for  
her computer to dial up the system. Her hand was  
poised over the mouse, waiting to guide it up to the  
'favorites' category at the top of the screen.  
After that, she knew, it would only be one more click  
to get to fanfiction.net. But, right before her  
finger pressed the button, she spied something new on  
the screen.  
  
Arcadia's hand froze just above the mouse as she  
read the instant message again.  
  
"The neon green duck flies at midnight" read the  
message.  
  
Now, to the casual observer, this message would seem  
to be simply a warning of some sort of mutant duck  
gracing the sky late at night. And that same casual  
observer might call the nearest audibon society  
because neon ducks flying at night certainly is not  
normal. Everyone knows they fly during the day.  
  
Arcadia glanced at the top of the message for the  
sender, a true mark of authenticity. For, if it were  
sent by anyone other than the designated sender, then  
Arcadia would know the message was fake. It all came  
down to the simple screenname of the sender. Her  
heart skipped a beat when she saw who the sender was.  
Aretz18. "Oh good Lordy," Arcadia breathed as she  
realized what was to happen.  
  
For, the instant message was not a fake by any means.  
Maureen had been designated to send Arcadia such a  
message when the time was right and apparently, the  
time was right!  
  
Arcadia leaned back in her chair and stared at the  
message, trying very hard to remember what the coded  
message was supposed to mean. Her eyes widened a  
smidge and then narrowed as she remembered.  
  
If she had not messed any of it up and had remembered  
it all correctly, the message translated into:  
  
"The plan is on. Our bleacherjunkie posse will  
return to Fanfiction.net after being gone so long. We  
will show everyone that we have returned and are ready  
to get back down to business. Jamie is the cutest."  
  
Arcadia wasn't too sure that she had translated that  
last part right, but heck ,it was the truth anyway.  
She felt her heart thumping even harder in excitement.  
They were really going to do it! No more talk, it  
was time for action! And it was going to be so cool!  
  
With a very large grin on her face, Arcadia typed her  
answer back to her fellow conspirator.  
  
ThaliasShadow: k  
Aretz: what?  
ThaliasShadow: Okay to the neon duck thing.  
Aretz18: oh, yeah, that. K. Don't forget to IM MC.  
She can IM DC and I'll IM Ari.  
ThaliasShadow: k  
Aretz18: and don't forget to clear your schedule for  
our Canada trip.  
ThaliasShadow: k.  
  
*  
  
  
  
Arcadia moved her mouse until the little arrow pointed  
to the name "KleenextheMadCow" on her screen. She  
clicked twice and a message box appeared. Leaning  
over the keyboard on her desk. Arcadia began to type.  
  
ThaliasShadow: The neon green duck flies at midnight  
KleenextheMadCow: what?  
ThaliasShadow: the neon green duck flies at midnight  
KleenextheMadCow: who is this?  
ThaliasShadow: we aren't supposed to use names in  
case this is intercepted, remember?  
KleenextheMadCow: Arcadia? Is this you?  
ThaliasShadow: Yes, it's me! Now, the neon green  
duck flies at midnight.  
KleenextheMadCow: Are you feeling alright?  
ThaliasShadow: Yes! I am feeling fine. Don't you  
remember the coded message?  
KleenextheMadCow: what coded- oh right! Um, you mean,  
we are actually doing that? I thought we were all  
just kidding around.  
ThaliasShadow: So, you are going to come with us,  
right?  
KleenextheMadCow: Sure. It will give me something to  
do. Should I bring anything?  
ThaliasShadow: Lots of new fics. And IM Darkchilde  
and tell her, K?  
KleenextheMadCow: K.  
  
***  
part 2: Mad Cow  
  
Well, Mad Cow was certainly psyched to be returning  
to fanfiction.net. Of course, it would mean less time  
for her Boy Meets Boy addiction, but what the hey. She had  
already read the archives several times over, it was  
high time for her to go back to Category 466. She  
clicked the button on her buddy list that said  
"Nyghtgrrl".  
  
KleenextheMadCow: The bright neon green duck flies at  
midnight.  
  
Well, she had added a little bit to the coded  
message, so that it now read:  
  
"The plan is on. Our bleacherjunkie posse will  
return to Fanfiction.net after being gone so long. We  
will show everyone that we have returned and are ready  
to get back down to business. Jamie and Hank are the  
cutest."  
  
Darkchilde IMed her back.  
  
Nyghtgrrl: Bleacher Junkie Comrade Cow Chick? Is that  
you?  
KleenextheMadCow: Sure is, Bleacher Junkie Comrade  
Darkstuff. Bleacher Junkie Comrade Arkie just IMed me  
and Bleacher Junkie Comrade Aricrazy. Bleacher Junkie  
Comrade Mo IMed her. The message means what you  
think. It's on.  
  
OK, so their secret code names weren't the best  
codenames ever. But cut them some slack. The ding went  
off, signaling Darkchilde had answered.  
  
Nyghtgrrl: I think I'm a little confused. What are you  
talking about?  
  
Mad Cow slammed her head on the keyboard. Her black  
nails clicking the keys, she responded:  
  
KleenextheMadCow: We're returning to fanfiction.net!  
Get writing, Darkchilde, we're staging a revolution!  
  
Maddy was never one with patience for all of this  
code.  
  
Nightgrrl: Are you sure you aren't just confused,  
Bleacher Junkie Comrade? Remember when we tried to  
kidnap Chris Ralph, and you were booking the plane  
tickets and thought we said Austria instead of Canada?  
We ended up in an airplane terminal in the Alps.  
  
KleenextheMadCow: OK, that could have happened to  
anyone. Besides, we met that cute ski guy, remember?  
  
Nyghtgrrl: I think I'm IMing Mo.  
  
There was a brief pause.  
  
Nyghtgrrl: OK, cool. Yeah, I'll get to work. Talk to  
you later?  
KleenextheMadCow: Yeah. Adios, 'miga.  
  
Well, now that that was done, Mad Cow just had to  
get inspired. She clicked on her TV. Young and the  
Restless! Perfect! She watched, and in commericals,  
read the Boy Meets Boy archives again, just for  
inspirational purposes, you know.  
  
After an hour or so, she had all of the inspiration  
she needed for the next installation of Demons in My  
Head. Hank and Peter go back to Kingsport, only to  
sneak around behind Jamie's back in his own home.  
Jamie cheats with Abby. Jess cheats with Tyler. Val,  
in her unhappiness, turns to Caitie. Then Jamie hooks  
up with Jess, Abby with Tyler. Then Tyler steals  
Caitie away from Val, and Jamie is left to pick up the  
pieces and ends up making out with Val. Hank gets a  
sex change. Val and Jess get pregnant by Jamie. Caitie  
and Abby get pregnant by Tyler. Hank, by some miracle  
of modern science, gets pregnant by Peter. Val is hit  
by a car, and gets brought back to life. Then all of  
the children are born, and grow up to hook up, only to  
cheat on each other and re-form new couples every  
week.  
  
Mad Cow typed her story, and looked back in pride.  
She was glad the plot was not too complicated, and  
that her characters were believable, likable people.  
Mad Cow hated when people had complicated plots, and  
characters that did things that normal people never  
did.  
  
Well, now that that was accomplished, she pushed  
away from her desk, and walked out of the computer  
room. She entered her own room, and walked into the  
closet. She moved back the rack of hanging clothes,  
only to reveal a dark corridor. She grabbed a candle,  
lit it, and walked down the dusty staircase.  
  
At the bottom was a small, dimly-lit room. She  
flicked on the lights, and the person chained to the  
wall screamed through his gag. She walked up to him.  
  
"Hello, Hanky dear," she purred, and removed the  
gag.  
  
Why Mad Cow had Hank in her secret room was a good  
question, although easily solvable. When the series  
ended, no one else wanted him, so Mad Cow got to take  
him home. She shivered when she thought of what  
happened to Jamie of the many fans. So many people had  
wanted him, and--well, let's just say she smiled a bit  
evily as she stroked the piece of leg she was able to  
steal from one of the younger writers. If she  
remembered correctly, Mo and Ari each got an arm,  
Arcadia got the other leg, and Darkie got his torso.  
His head resided in the building of the Council of  
Bleacher Junkies. The entire body was still posessed,  
and when it was assembled, it could prove rather  
amusing.  
  
But back to Hank. "You horrible person!" he spat,  
and Mad Cow smiled sweetly.  
  
"Hank, how could you say that?" she asked silkily.  
"I was the one who took you in."  
  
He spat. "I think you'll have to pay for that," she  
said calmly, and walked over to her case of leather.  
"Now, lets see, what shall we do today?" she asked,  
opening it.  
  
"NOOO!" he screamed. "Torture me! Hit me! Do  
anything! Just don't dress me up like a biker!" he  
cried, but Mad Cow's grin only increased. This was  
going to be fun!  
  
She briefly wondered how the other Jamie's Angels  
were celebrating their return to fanfiction.net,  
before pulling out the leather jacket to place on  
Hank...  
  
  
*****  
part 3: Darkchilde  
  
Darkchilde stared at the computer screen blankly for a  
long second, trying to decipher just what the HELL MC  
had been talking about. All she was getting out of it  
was a bunch of names that didn't make sense and the  
fact that she had to IM Ari. But of course, she never  
got much more then that from a convo with MC, but  
still...damn that Texas accent. So thick it made even  
her typing incomprehensible. The fact that her words  
were usually gibberish made things even worse  
  
"Um...what!?" The dark haired girl asked her computer,  
staring at it in shock.  
  
"You can talk to those boxes too? I thought you had  
to type on them." A curious and English accented  
voice asked, and DC (as Darkchilde will hereafter be  
known as, because "Darkchilde" is long and cumbersome  
to type) looked up into the golden eyes of Remus  
Lupin. Oh sure, DC knew that he was probably FAR to  
old for her, but 'love knows no age.' Plus he was  
just freaking HOT...and a WEREWOLF to boot! How is it  
possible NOT to fall in love with this man?  
  
"Well, we're suppose to. But Mad Cow..."  
  
"Mad Cow? You're talking to someone that calls herself  
Mad Cow?" Remus asked, sounding slightly shocked.  
  
"Weird name, I know. But I love her. Would you please  
stop squirming?" DC asked, turning around to look at  
her current 'seat', Alexander Whitman looked back at  
her, trying to contain his laughter. "What?"  
  
"Nothing. Just trying to remember something...isn't  
this the girl that sent you all to the Alps?" Alex  
remembered, taping his chin.  
  
"Your right!" DC's eyes lit up. "Man, that ski guy  
was hot!"  
  
"HEY!" Alex complained. Lupin only looked slightly  
hurt, and DC sighed.  
  
"Not as hot as YOU two, okay?" DC tried to soothe  
their ruffled feelings.  
  
"Hey, what about me!" Sirius Black's head popped  
around the divide and he pouted cutely. DC sighed  
again, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Yes, you're cute to Sirius. AND so are you Kyle!" DC yelled so the meditating Buddhist.  
  
"And me?" A pair of bright blue eyes, red hair and  
horn rimmed glasses peered over Sirius's head.  
  
"Of course you! You're adorable, Percy!" DC assured  
him.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
DC sighed, and looked back at her computer. DAMN it  
was hard work keeping five men happy! Clicking on AOL  
Messenger, she pulled up her Buddy list. Now, to talk  
to Ari!  
  
Nyghtgrrl: The neon green duck flies at midnight.  
AURAAlienAlex: What??  
Nyghtgrrl: Oh, damnit!!! WRONG NAME! Sorry Brian!  
  
DC quickly clicked on 'Aricraze' instead.  
  
Nyghtgrrl: The neon green duck flies at midnight.  
Aricraze: Really?  
Nyghtgrrl: Really.  
Aricraze: Truly?  
Nyghtgrrl: Truly.  
Aricraze: Madly?  
Nyghtgrrl: Ari!  
Aricraze: Heh heh. Okay, okay, I got it.  
Nyghtgrrl: Tell Mo. Write fic! I gotta go...Brian wants  
to know what the hell I was talking about, and the  
natives are getting restless.  
Aricraze: Natives?  
Nyghtgrrl: *smirks* Ask Mad Cow. She'll explain it.  
Aricraze: Alright  
Nyghtgrrl: Later!  
  
DC shut the IM down, and then clicked on AURAAlienAlex  
again.  
  
AURAAlienAlex: What neon green duck?  
Nyghtgrrl: Remember when I wanted you to tell me how  
to stage a coup?  
AURAAlienAlex: ...EYes  
Nyghtgrrl: Well....  
Nyghtgrrl: Don't ask if you really don't wanna know.  
AURAAlienAlex: Okay, I'm not asking. Izzy wants to  
know how Alex is.  
AURAAlienAlex: But if he's naked, please don't tell  
me.  
Nyghtgrrl: Ah, you know me so well Brian  
  
Alex, still serving as DC's chair, piped up at this  
point. "I am NOT naked. I have...well...I have clothes  
on!"  
  
A snort came from the other side of the room, and Kyle  
appeared. "Boxer shorts are NOT considered clothes,  
Alex."  
  
DC survived the five boxer clad men standing around  
her dorm room and smiled sweetly. "They're made of  
cloth, aren't they? Now, help me come up with an idea  
for a fic. I'm thinking I'll have Caitie have a  
really terrible home life, and Jamie find out about it  
somehow. He's going to help her by letting her move  
into his house with him and his lovable mother and  
sisters, and their all going to treat Caitie like one  
of their own. Of course, Jamie's going to have to  
wind up falling for Caitie as she will fall for him.  
What do you think, men?"  
  
Remus looked at her curiously. "Didn't you already do  
that?...Twice?"  
  
DC beamed. "You read my stories?!"  
  
Sirius, looking fondly over at Remus, replied. "He  
reads everything!"  
  
DC jumped up off of Alex's lap and into Remus's arms.  
"I KNEW I loved you for a reason!"  
  
***  
  
part 4: Aricraze   
  
Meanwhile, Aricraze was bored straight out of her mind. She had to tell Maureen the message within the next few minutes, before her bedtime approached and she was forced to retire for the night.  
  
But no. Maureen just wasn't anywhere to be seen. Ari drilled her eyes into her buddy list, willing the name 'Aretz18' to appear on the screen. "Aretz18...Aretz18...ARETZ18!!!"Eshe screamed. Oops. Well, hey, the screaming worked, because at that moment, Maureen signed on.  
  
Ari cheered. She double-clicked on Maureen's name and typed very carefully, to avoid typos.  
  
Aricraze: The neon green duck flies at midnight.  
Aretz18: What the h-  
Aricraze: THE NEON GREEN DUCK FLIES AT MIDNIGHT.  
Aretz18: I heard you the first time.  
Aricraze: Wink wink.  
Aretz18: Hello? I was the one who told Arc...Eer, you know.  
Aricraze: Oops. Sorry. Really? We're really going for it?  
Aretz18: Sure we are.  
Aricraze: Rad! What do I have to do?  
Aretz18: Write a lot of fics so we can RETURN!  
Aricraze: Will do!  
  
Wow! They were finally going to return to fanfiction.net after their very, very long absence. Ari secretly hoped the other writers at the site had missed their Bleacher Junkie fics. She would never admit that to anyone else, though.  
  
Ari suddenly remembered what Darkchilde had told her about the natives. Sure enough, Mad Cow was online, and Ari quickly greeted her.  
  
Aricraze: Greetings! What's with the 'natives' thing?  
KleenexTheMadCow: Hey! Heh heh. Ask Darkchilde to explain it. She knows.  
Aricraze: I already did, and she told me to ask you...  
KleenexTheMadCow: Tell her that I told you to ask her. =)  
  
Ari gave up.  
  
"Now for the tough part," she mumbled, opening Word Pad and trying to rejuvenate her brain. Maybe her half-a-year-long writer's block would go away if her brain was refreshed.  
  
She thought of plots for a minute. No luck. Maybe she should just continue one of her ancient fics, like that one about the characters' lives as kids. She couldn't remember the title.  
  
Finally, a few hours later, Ari leaned back in her cushiony computer chair and read her work. There was only a paragraph, but it was a very complex one, so she was satisfied with it.  
  
Val and Caitie and Tyler and Jamie and Hank and Brooke are still little kids. Now they're in fifth grade. They're about ten years old. But Brooke is six. Brooke is Val's little sister who is four years younger than her. That's why she's six when the others are ten. Jamie is also a bit younger because he's smart and skipped a grade. So these characters are enjoying school because kids think school is fun. Their teacher is very nice. Her name is Mrs. Leesybinger. She really cares about the kids.  
  
It would definitely do. Ari was glad her writing had improved so much over the past year. Looking back on her old stuff, she was surprised at how hard-to-understand it was. But this paragraph was so good, she couldn't help but love it. Ari was also proud of herself that she hadn't included too many author's notes. Everybody knows author's notes interrupt the flow of the story, and Ari never wanted to do that. She always strived to make her writing smooth, with the least amount of author's notes possible.  
  
Ari decided her chapter was ready to be posted. Now she just had to wait for the others to give her the final signal...  
  
***  
part 5: Maureen  
  
Maureen sighed, wondering what kind of insanity would ensure. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy or revel in insanity, but she liked to think that she was sane in an insane world. Like her favorite addle-brained father, Ozzy Osbourne.  
  
Anyways, she looked around her room, making sure everything was perfect. Her roommates laptop with AOL open for IMs from the others, check. Her computer on with explore set to her works in progress...check. "Writing music", which consisted of a CD containing everything from Metallica to Falco to Wagner, check. She looked around and decided she was ready to begin.  
  
Then IMs began. They thankfully weren't from the IaHB ficcers, they were from people she had actually met. Which made it harder to explain why she couldn't talk. Damn. Oh well, she reasoned, deleting all the IMs, if I don't reply I don't have to explain.  
  
There was a reason she was a fic-bitch. And known as "energetic Daria". And why many guys feared here. But none of that is really here nor there.  
  
Finally her patent-pending song-fic was finished. It was nothing extraordinary in her eyes, just some emotion she needed to let out. After all, too much pent up emotion was...not good. It made Maureen less energetic. She liked to be energetic, helped her to sleep better at night. And it scared the straights, aka sorority chicks.  
  
Finally she was ready. But her clothes were not suited for a fanfic revolution. Gray shorts, a gray tank top and bare feet was simply not appropriate. Sighing, she went to the closet to see what was clean. Smiling to herself she dressed in black pants, a purple camisole and her trademark black jacket with three-inch high heeled boots. So what if it was already in the 100's outside?   
  
She lived in hell and was a firm believe that Lucifer's real name was "Lucy". Jamie and her other fictives, when she let them out of their cages, firmly agreed.  
  
Logging onto fanfiction.net she began to upload the fics into the document manager. Cackling evilly, she pushed "post".   
  
Viva la revolution!  
  
A/N: original pics for IaHB and the revolution can be found at http://www.angelfire.com/punk2/lazaras/iahb/iahb.html 


End file.
